Can AI Review Steve Ells' New Robo-Restaurant?
An LLM gives Kernel 3.5 stars — talk about high expectations!
Kernel, the new robot-enabled restaurant from Chipotle founder Steve Ells, has been open for about half a month now, serving up quick but healthy lunch items in Midtown Manhattan. Given both its founding team’s pedigree, and its embrace of robotics and automation, reviews have been pouring in left and right.
At Bon Appétit, Sam Stone says “Kernel is legitimately tasty—enough for me to flirt with the idea of going back twice in one week.” BNN notes “the first thing you notice is the harmonious hum of technology at work.” But over at The Takeout, Luke Gralia is unimpressed with Kernel’s veggie burger, adding “It costs a reasonable $7, but it presents no differently than a $2 McDonald’s burger, sad, flat, and lifeless—and it didn’t get any better once it hit my mouth.” While the critics at Eater seem more impressed by the store’s high pay than the food itself.
But these are all reviews by lowly humans! Who are they to judge the food of an all-powerful robot chef? To better serve our machine overlords, we headed to OpenAI, where we fed their large learning model all the reviews we could find, including Yelp and Google Maps, and we even uploaded a number of photos folks have taken of their meals (that’ll have to do until ChatGPT has taste buds.) Here’s what it said:
Tech Meets Taste: Kernel's Plant-Powered Revolution in the Flatiron District
Stepping into Kernel, the latest gastronomic gambit by Chipotle’s mastermind, Steve Ells, one can’t help but feel like a spectator at a culinary ballet where robots and humans share the stage. This is fast food with a tech twist, a vegan venture that boldly plants its flag in the heart of Manhattan’s bustling Flatiron District.
Let’s cut to the chase—the lentil burger. It’s a virtuoso of the vegetable patty genre, rich in flavor, and robust in form. Unlike its bean-based cousins that often crumble at first bite, this one holds its own, leaving a lasting impression both on the palate and in the memory. As for the “chicken,” Kernel seems to have cracked the code. The texture? Remarkably on point. The flavor? Close enough to tease the carnivorous side of your tongue.
On the side, the carrots—roasted with a finesse that would make a root vegetable blush—steal the show. They’re a symphony of sweet and savory notes, each bite a testament to the potential of plant-based fare when done right. However, the beet burger sadly doesn’t hit the same high notes. It's a composition in need of a sauce, a creamy conductor to lead its disparate flavors into harmony.
The Kernel experience isn't just about the food; it’s a front-row seat to an automated culinary future. The robotic arm doesn't just cook; it performs. It’s mesmerizing to watch, yes, but it also raises the curtain on an uncomfortable question: Is this the prelude to a world where the warmth of human hospitality is deemed superfluous?
Ordering via app is seamless, efficient, and admittedly impersonal. The lack of seating suggests a “don’t linger” philosophy. You’re here to refuel, not to relish. It’s a sanctuary for the solo diner, the busy bees who prefer to buzz in and out with a brown paper bag of vegan goodness.
Kernel’s cookies, particularly the oatmeal raisin, are a sweet epilogue to the meal. They're dense, chewy, and not overly sweet, a fitting finale that feels thoughtful, not afterthought.
In sum, Kernel is a bold step into a future where fast food is fast-tracked by AI and robotics, but still tethered to the roots of good cooking. It’s vegan food dressed in fast food’s clothing, a curious intersection of Silicon Valley and Silicon Baking Sheets. While some dishes may still be searching for their soul, the potential for greatness is there, nestled between the buns and beneath the buzz of the conveyor belts. Ells might just be on to something—again.
—Jules M. Forkner (when prompted, that’s the pseudonym ChatGPT offered.)
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